Two And A Half NOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!

CBS has just conquered the impossible: they have made Two and a Half Men even more terrible. Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones barely dried off the last drops of douche syrup that spewed out of Charlie Sheen's warlock hole and now they're about to get another wave. Why won't anybody think of Angus T. Jones?! Hasn't he been through enough?

Deadline Hollywood reported last night that CBS' extra thick skid mark named Two and a Half Men will get an extra layer of shit from Ashton Kutcher next season. After Hugh Grant turned down a $25 million offer to replace Charlie Sheen, the producers shook hands with an ass wart who is more annoying than a Demi Moore bathroom bikini photo shoot. The show's creator, Chuck Lorre, is telling people that they came up with a really funny and creative way to introduce Kutchie's character. I'm sure Kutchie will play the long-lost, broken condom baby of Charlie Sheen's character who comes to town to find his father. You know, because we've never seen a storyline like this on television ever. Or Jon Cryer's character will wake up in the 70s from a horrific nightmare where he re-imagined Kelso as Charlie Sheen and Fez as a fat white kid.

CBS wouldn't confirm or deny that they are Summers Eve-ing Two and a Half Men, but Kutchie Tweeted this little wink last night:

"What's the square root of 6.25?

The only way I will approve of the worst casting decision ever is if the new opener features Demi Moore busting out her world famous "geriatric ape giving birth to a seizure baby" moves. The only way.

Lena Headey Nelly Furtado Rozonda Thomas Brittny Gastineau Kristin Kreuk